The Barrier to Entry
A privilege not everyone can taste
Based on Investopedia , barriers to entry is an economics and business term describing factors that can prevent or impede newcomers into a market or industry sector, and so limit competition. In this post, I am trying to use this philosophy to dating advice and relationship to empower women out there who reach a low point. Maybe I should change my career choice. LoL.
One of my best friends gives me feedback on my previous post. She disagrees with some of my thought. She even draws me a picture to help me regain my confidence and self-esteem. Aww, that’s very sweet of her. :)
My biggest problem is too easy to get carried away, resulting in a series of disappointments. Hence, I decided to build my own defense mechanism a long time ago: do not let any people approach me easily unless I am sure I am going to give them the opportunity to stay. This way, anyone with bad intentions would think twice and the ones who see beneath the surface will persistently keep going. Time is the only way to prove whether I should keep them in my circle or not. It’s like building a barrier of entry, once you’re in, you’ll get the privilege to taste my sweetness but you have to pass the walls I build. It applies to friendship, colleagues, or any form of relationship.
However, this method backfires, most of my acquaintances are afraid of me and says that I am unfriendly. Well, I am sorry, I had to do that, you’re the unlucky ones. I have too much soft spot inside me, if I give my affection to the wrong people, they usually take advantage of me which hurts me or them in the process. Hence, I decided to lower the barrier to entry, letting people come in, trusting them easily without knowing their true intentions. I used to keep my circle small, this time I decided to expand the circle. I think you can guess what’s happening next.
Let’s go back to the picture, shall we?
Color code :
- Blue: Logic
- Pink: Feeling
Do you know why we are naturally attracted to certain people and not to others?
I believe at the back of our mind, we have a list of qualities ( e.g sense of humor, personality traits,etc) that we seek out from a person. When we meet someone, our subconscious mind is telling us whether this person matches the list or not.
When you like someone, it means you think he matches most of your list and you decide to overlook the flaws. Maybe you see his flaws as something that makes him perfect, fulfilling your checklist.
To save you from disappointment, when you see someone will highly likely win your heart ( see the pink bar). The higher the bar, the more you have to take extra precautions by managing your expectation and your feeling. The deeper you like someone, the higher the probability this person could disappoint you by not doing what is expected. As your feeling grow stronger, you would expect this person to do something, including returning your feeling.
Now take a look at the blue bar, it represents your logic of how easy you would open your door for the person. It’s like setting the barrier of entry, the more you like someone, the more you have to increase the blue bar. You may believe in his words, but it will be meaningless until he takes action to show how much he is willing to make it true.
You don’t want to see him leaving you brokenhearted, aren’t you? Then you should manage your expectation. You did invest your time, energy, and feelings for someone you like, didn’t you?. If the person leaves after what you’ve given, let’s just say it was a bad investment.
Some people said that there is no logic in liking someone, you need to be vulnerable in order to trust, you can’t control the bar, let alone preventing the feeling to grow. After all, this is just a theory of two girls who are about each other, we could be wrong. I know she meant well, to save her fragile friend from another disappointment.
The expectation is the root of disappointment. Make sure to do your best but lower your expectation until reality tells you otherwise, let it be a surprise. A beautiful surprise.
( I am not done, to be continued)
